She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
