Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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