we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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