so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
