His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
