she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
