there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
