Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
