ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
