Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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