Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
