I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
