im six kinds of drunk right now
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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