And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
