Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
