It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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