Where did you get a picture of my penis
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
