I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
