i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
