Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
