I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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