yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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