watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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