Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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