First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
