you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
