just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
