Have you finally orgasmed yet?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
