Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
