We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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