I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
