I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
