shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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