just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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