Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
