I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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