Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
