a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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