i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
True strength comes from lack of pants
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
