I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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