We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
