I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
