Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
