bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
