Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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