I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
