dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
