is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
