What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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