But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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