Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
