I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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