mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
