a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
